Road Trip
by Aranea Porcus
Summary: Zazie's fallen into a ditch for that blasted Express Bee, and he doesn't know what to do about it. It also really, really doesn't help that he's being sent on a delivery together with the object of his affections. (As requested by a fellow ffnet user!)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, I'm back! This particular one is dedicated to the lovely Mrs. Jayy Von Monroe! I do hope this is up to your expectations. I enjoyed writing this, and exploring Jiggy's character a bit more, bc he is a very secretive, mysterious character.**

* * *

You either called him "Jiggy Pepper" or you didn't call him anything at all. There wasn't such a thing as calling the man merely "Jiggy" or "Pepper" – that would be considered downright rude, especially towards a Bee of his standard, a standard so high that even Zazie, the Bee who held minimal respect – meaning none – for any other Bee, was putty at the mention of his name.

Jiggy Pepper was no less than a celebrity in the Hive. His name was certainly as widespread as Lag's, but whoever spoke of him had at least heard of his outstanding maturity and his undeniable charisma, and, of course, his magnificent Iron Horse; it ran on Jiggy Pepper's "Heart" strength, and was rumoured to be the finest in all of Amberground. This feat was what propelled Jiggy Pepper into complete stardom – surely someone with that much stamina (enough to power an Iron Horse _and_ still fire a shindanjuu!) wouldn't be able to remain a wallflower for long.

Jiggy Pepper had many who looked up to him, though he considered none of them to be lesser than him despite them putting themselves at that rate. Zazie, the Letter Bee with a vicious bite in his words, was not spared either, and his admiration for Jiggy Pepper was unlike any other. He was almost envious of the Iron Horse's splendour and sheen, but as for Jiggy Pepper himself, Zazie was only taken aback by the man's radiating charisma and sage-ly words (advice so profound you couldn't understand it, yet it was so cool you just had to agree). Heck, even that scar of his just piled on loads more charisma onto Jiggy Pepper's practically glimmering, completely out-of-reach existence. Zazie looked up to it all, perhaps wanting to one day have some of that for himself, or perhaps just because Jiggy Pepper was, to put it simply, extremely cool. It had to do with his demeanor and the way he carried himself, Zazie decided one day as his eyes trained onto Jiggy Pepper whenever he strode through the halls of the Hive after a long delivery, looking completely stoic. _Empress, he's cool._

However as time went by Zazie didn't take too long to realise that besides his already slightly obsessive admiration for Jiggy Pepper, he had also, quite unceremoniously, fallen into a complete ditch for the Express Bee. The epiphany had hit him square in the face one day when he was having a milkshake and thinking about Jiggy Pepper's utter awesomeness. _Oh my Empress_, he thought even more unceremoniously, _I'm a faggot,_ and then Zazie proceeded to spit out his drink back into the cup and dump it into the nearest trash can, before going home and hiding under the blankets. He'd heard of things like that before, where guys fell for other guys. Apparently it was some sort of mental ailment, because the natural order of things was that you fell in love with a _girl_, not a _guy_, and especially not with the best Express Bee in town.

Zazie thought about it more under the covers while sweating like a pig, and questioned whether or not he was completely and absolutely infatuated with him or not. He couldn't deny it in the end; surely it meant something when Zazie caught Jiggy Pepper's gaze (that didn't happen often) and he got the wind knocked out of him while simultaneously forgetting how to walk, or when every accidental touch – even if it was just a bump of the shoulder – would end with the feeling of that shoulder or elbow or whatever random appendage Zazie collided with staying imprinted in his skin for days on end. Surely, if this wasn't infatuation then what else could it be?

_Oh my Empress, _Zazie thought. _I'm insane._

He also couldn't deny the fact that if Jiggy Pepper even _acknowledged_ his existence, or agree to "see" him, in that sense, that would be the best thing since sliced bread, but if the latter were the case then the both of them would be classified as absolutely barmy, and Zazie honestly didn't want to compromise Jiggy Pepper's position, neither did he want to be locked away in an asylum, or a Correction and Rehabilitation Facility, or wherever else they put these sorts of people.

"Oh screw this," Zazie breathed, oddly embarrassed by his recent "discovery", and yelped and sat up when Wasiolka nosed his back, worried about Zazie's disappearance under the covers. "I'm in deep shit..." He murmured, closing his eyes and put his hands, as if praying, at the bridge of his nose.

* * *

Just a week later Lag and Niche barged in front of Zazie as he was clearing up paperwork, and exclaimed, "Zazie, quick! Jiggy Pepper's back!" Zazie seized up briefly, and stared wide-eyed at Lag. He hadn't told anyone about it so far, but his friends _really_ weren't helping him with this. He didn't want to act all weird in front of Jiggy Pepper, but at the same time...

"Let's go," Zazie placed his camp on top of his papers and pushed back his chair, standing up. "Let's go see Jiggy Pepper."

The people in the foyer were milling around, pretending to pay no mind to Jiggy Pepper's presence but still watching out of the corners of their eyes. Jiggy Pepper himself did not notice them, but tilted his head in a manner that suggested his searching for someone. He turned a corner after giving a tip of the hat to the receptionists who had briefly stopped in their registering of packages, and made a turn, presumable towards the Director's office to retrieve Harry, his hawk dingo. Zazie, Wasiolka, Lag and Niche, along with Connor who had caught up with them, were standing by a corridor looking at him not-so-discreetly. At that moment Jiggy Pepper turned, caught Zazie's eye, curved his lips into a slight smile and tipped his cap. Zazie then forgot how to stand and grasped Connor's shoulder in an attempt to steady himself. He looked down, unable to keep eye contact, as a warm flush rose from his neck to his cheeks.

"You okay?" Connor asked, concerned for his friend who couldn't keep his back straight.

"I-I'm good," Zazie muttered as Wasiolka nosed the back of his pants. _He smiled at me! Holy Empress, holy holy holy—!_

"Maybe you need sleep...?" Lag offered. "Let's go to the relaxation place!" Zazie nodded weakly, deciding that he needed time to cool off before returning to the mundane task that was paperwork.

* * *

Another week had passed. One crisp evening, when Zazie looked out of the window of his small flat he found someone squatting at the bottom, feeding the cats. As far as Zazie knew, _he_ was the only one who even bothered to feed his cats and shield them from unscrupulous beings in his neighbourhood who would jump at any chance to rid their frustrations by taking it out on those cats if not for Zazie's presence. Fearing that the unknown person was one of those unscrupulous people, Zazie bolted out the door, shindanjuu in hand.

He stepped out the door, shindanjuu cocked and ready. Slowly stepping down the metal stairs that led to the door of his apartment, Zazie was about to let out a string of curses when the shady person at the foot of the flight of steps looked up, causing Zazie to almost drop his gun in utter surprise.

"J-Jiggy Pepper?!" Zazie exclaimed, a bit too loudly. Where was his Iron Horse? _Wait, what?_ Here was Jiggy Pepper, sitting right in front of his apartment! _His_ apartment! Zazie stood, frozen in shock until Jiggy Pepper cleared his throat and stood up, the fickle-hearted cats rubbing themselves on the legs of his jeans.

"I came to deliver a message to you, until these cats led me astray," Jiggy Pepper began. "...And then your residence number slipped from my mind."

...He was a bigger ditz then his image put forward.

"Ah, yes. The Director wanted me to tell you that you have a delivery assignment with me in a days' time, after your leave. We'll be delivering a box of sacred instruments to a chapel, so be sure to keep it safe. It won't be too draining – a simple trip from here to a small town north, then we return home. It'll last about three days without delays, or at most, four. Don't bring your dingo – I can't carry that many people. Anyhow, you'll be safe with me," Jiggy Pepper continued, casting all proverbs and strange speech patterns aside.

_'Not too draining'?! That's far as hell!_ Zazie thought, while trying to assess the fact that Jiggy Pepper was at his doorstep, and that they were actually going on a delivery together. And that he just told Zazie "you'll be safe with me".

"...That's all," Jiggy said, looking slightly worried at Zazie's lack of a response.

"...Okay," Zazie replied lamely. _No, not okay, you fool! Invite him inside! He's at your doorstep! It's Jiggy Pepper, Empress, let him in!_

Jiggy glanced into the entrance of Zazie's apartment building for a brief second or two, before nodding. "I'll take my leave now. May the winds always carry you in your stride," he spoke, turned and ambled away, out of Zazie's view. Zazie raised his right hand in an awful mockery of a wave, and almost fell over when he say Jiggy turn his head slightly to glance back at him. The boy then ran back up to his floor two steps at a time, flung the door open, fiddled with the lock as he tried to close it, ran to his room and dove face-first into his bed.

"I'm going on a delivery with Jiggy Pepper!" He screamed into the covers, as his fists grasped the corners of his pillow desperately and his face turned redder than ever.

* * *

**"I'm a faggot." And I'm too busy laughing my ass off.**

**I'll spread these out – this is turning out to be longer than I expected! Hohoho... And as always, reviews are welcome!**

**And I promise I'll write other things next time – namely things that aren't romance-oriented because friendship is »§~*magic*~§«**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry if this story gets too draggy or slow for you guys.**

**Guest and Rainy: Thank you! As for characterization… I try. Heheh~  
Mrs. Jayy: You're welcome! I'm glad you like it! :D**

* * *

The day of the delivery soon arrived, and Zazie's heart was threatening to ram itself out of his ribcage. He was waiting at the entrance to the Hive for Jiggy to come by after polishing his Iron Horse, and his palms were sweating badly. Lag and Connor had already wished him good luck – "You finally got your wish granted," Connor had said cheekily and Zazie had socked him in the face. Zazie swallowed, and directed his thoughts from Jiggy Pepper to Wasiolka, whom he had placed under Lag's care.

A rumbling purr could be heard as a brass Iron Horse drove into view, slowing and stopping just before Zazie. On the Iron Horse sat a smiling Jiggy Pepper. He gave Zazie a small salute, and asked, "Are you ready?" And when Zazie gave a shy nod, he gestured for him to come over and said, "Hop on." Zazie did as he was told, and Jiggy warned, "Hang on tight. We're heading off."

Zazie, seeing no handles he could hold on to, asked, "Hang on to what?"

Jiggy turned back halfway, and imitated the wrapping of hands around his waist. "Your hands. Around my waist. Don't let go." Upon hearing that, Zazie forgot how to talk or swallow, and could only manage a small nod. Gingerly, he wrapped his arms around Jiggy, jerkily pressing his body to the older man's back, inadvertently breathing in the unique scent of his jacket. Zazie felt like throwing up from the butterflies in his stomach, and hardly noticed when Jiggy drove off, clouds of dust rising from the ground behind them.

* * *

Bells passed as Zazie and Jiggy drove wordlessly through the many plains of Yuusari, until Jiggy pulled over to a rather old inn at one of the smaller villages they passed by. Zazie questioned his actions, and Jiggy said that it was because he needed to take a rest before continuing. They hadn't had lunch yet either, Jiggy reminded him. They checked into the inn together – it was about 250 Rin for a day's room (they wouldn't let Jiggy count by the Bell), which was cheaper than other inns or motels in bigger cities, Jiggy reasoned.

When they entered the room, Jiggy was quick to toe off his shoes and socks, place his bag on the floor and plop down onto the bed they had. "I need to rest my body," he said, a smile of apology on his face. Zazie said nothing as he found a seat on a chair at the opposite end of the room. He nodded and looked outside, and Jiggy's smile was replaced by a look of worry in his eyes.

"Perhaps you are not pleased with this arrangement?" Jiggy questioned. Zazie turned and glanced, confused, at Jiggy, before looking at the floor.

"You could have told me before; I would have someone replace you, if you were so unwilling." Zazie, suddenly understanding what Jiggy was trying to say, looked at him with his mouth forming an 'o' shape.

"It's not that!" He protested, almost standing, if not for the very distracting sight of Jiggy lying down on the bed, propping himself up with his elbow, his hair dishevelled from his hat being pulled off his head... Zazie couldn't stand it anymore, and looked down at his clasped fists that were resting between his thighs. "I'm very honoured, actually," Zazie murmured, just loud enough for Jiggy to hear.

"Don't be afraid to speak your thoughts," Jiggy was smiling again and looking at his hands as he traced a nondescript image in the blankets. "I've been told time again that I've trouble with words, but don't let that put you off. I'd very much enjoy speaking to someone such as you."

Zazie felt as though he could faint. He closed his eyes, squeezing his fists even tighter as he took in a deep breath, and relaxed. "Yeah, thanks," he grinned, slightly ashamed at how casually he had spoken, and then yawned and realised he was a bit tired himself.

"This bed might be alright for sharing," Jiggy offered, his eyes still on his hands, and Zazie choked on those words.

"No! No— I mean, I'm okay, here. Where I am. Chair is good," Zazie shrunk into his seat, and Jiggy, seeing that there was no persuading him, shifted himself so that he was under the covers. He covered his mouth as he yawned, and told Zazie drowsily, "In two Bells we fill our stomachs, and move onto the great beyond." Zazie hummed an agreement, trembling from Jiggy's groggy voice and tried to get comfortable in his uncomfortable chair, eventually falling into a restless, light sleep.

* * *

In two hours Zazie roused Jiggy, almost got sent into cardiac arrest as Jiggy groaned softly while trying to get awake, and ran down to buy them both sandwiches while Jiggy checked out of the inn and paid the fee. Jiggy then removed the chain from his Iron Horse – "Not the most elegant of methods, but I've no other way about it," he had explained earlier – and they got on, riding off once again into the plains.

Their first gaichuu attack came as they were travelling along one of the many deserts Yuusari had to offer. It was colder and drier than others Zazie had crossed, which was understandable since they were travelling _north_, after all.

The gaichuu had leapt down from a cliff with an earth-shattering thud and reared up on its hind legs, sharp knife-like pincers sprouting from its metal thorax only to slice the air. Zazie swore he could hear the whizzing of the blades through the air and shuddered, feeling naked and unarmed without Wasiolka by his side. He got off the bike, cocking his shindanjuu and pointed it at the gaichuu, trying to find its weak point. Jiggy followed shortly after, pointing his own gun at the screeching gaichuu. His classic demeanor now returned after his rest, Jiggy spoke in complete seriousness, "Under the stomach. May you have the speed of a cheetah, and don't be foolish." Then he skirted off towards the left, around the gauchuu.

The monster swerved its head towards the left, blades swinging in an attempt to pierce Jiggy. However, the man was too small for it to hit accurately, and dodged its blades despite its speed. Zazie had already begun running around the right. As the gaichuu was distracted by Jiggy's movements, it didn't sense Zazie's presence and he was able to duck under its belly and point his gun up, towards the wire mesh-like covering over the underside of its abdomen. "Shindan loadad – Aotoge!" He cried, words giving him strength, and the horrible anger he felt towards the gaichuu – towards any gaichuu he had ever encountered – spilled out of his heart and coursed through his veins, filling the bullet casing and manifesting itself into a single blue arrow. It dug itself into the target effortlessly, and the gaichuu screeched and vibrated before exploding into a million stars of light.

Zazie breathed heavily and put his hands on his knees and his head between his legs, as the light shimmered around him. Jiggy jogged over and placed a hand on his shoulder. "That was good work." Zazie nodded, breathless, and managed a thank you. Jiggy had his hand there on Zazie's shoulder for a few seconds longer than what someone would usually have, then turned back towards the Iron Horse, beckoning for Zazie to follow behind, which he did, gladly.

* * *

**I now realise that I know jack shit about Amberground's geology. I really should just read the manga, shouldn't I...? I'm p sure there aren't random deserts just strewn all over across the continent gfdi****  
****Also how many gaichuu names are there I only know the Absinthe, Tequila Sunrise and Cabernet and I don't even know what the Absinthe does?****I'm also sorry for ending all these chapters super abruptly – I'm not really sure how to end it ww**


	3. Chapter 3

**Keesh/Kish and Rainy: Thanks! Here's the newest (and final) chapter! ww I'm glad you like how Zazie is portrayed :  
Mrs. Jayy: Really? I've personally never heard of Osaka… My memory must've failed me. Thanks, anyhow! I hope this was up to your expectations yehaaa**

* * *

They were only a few days into their delivery assignment, and Zazie was already over-analysing everything the Express Bee did; from the way he moved to the way he handed him food - to the way he talked and the way he looked at Zazie. It wasn't healthy, the boy decided. There was no way this one-sided crush was going to come to fruition, anyway, and even if he told Jiggy about it he could lose the person he was just beginning to know. _It's better to just forget it all._

Still, it was surprising how much he found out about Jiggy in just a matter of days – he was allergic to snake skin, he spent a lot of time sleeping and he ate a lot because his heart was exhausted from the Iron Horse, he had a quirk where he put his hand over his mouth when thinking, and his eyes turned their brightest when he talked about his sister and brother back in Dead End Town. Zazie treasured all these things, and kept them hidden in the crevices of his heart. Zazie had found out something about himself, too – the amazing fact that he hadn't had a heart attack just yet, even with all the fluttering it had been doing throughout the entire trip.

They were getting closer to the town, and were riding in a stretch of barren plain. The land began to turn into a slope, and Zazie realised that Jiggy was taking him up a cliff that hung just above a deep gorge. In the darkness of the gorge a stream flowed down smooth, black rocks, shimmering ever so slightly.

"I wanted to show you the stars," Jiggy said, climbing up the slope where the Iron Horse could go no further. "Even though we're high up, we're near Yodaka so it isn't too bright."

Zazie kept quiet, but the crunching of his boots on dirt was answer enough for Jiggy. Zazie wasn't really looking where he was going, though, and his left foot stepped into a hole in the ground. His legs buckled and he fell unceremoniously, and his hands that broke his fall got scratched on the ground along with his left knee. His ankle wasn't spared, though, he'd twisted it while falling. Jiggy jogged over to help pull the boy up, forgetting about the stars altogether, and Zazie winced as he was straightened up – his ankle really hurt. _Goddamn it,_ Zazie cursed. _Not in front of Jiggy Pepper..._ He shifted his weight to his right and let his left leg remain suspended in the air. Jiggy held up Zazie's hands by their wrists, and Zazie found himself only centimetres away from Jiggy's face. He tried to look away, but a sudden spell of dizziness hit him, along with the twisting of his stomach and the familiar, yet nerve-wracking fluttering of his heart. Zazie shut his eyes, trying to force the dizziness out of his head.

"Are you hurt?" Jiggy asked, and Zazie felt his minty breath on his nose. _I'm giddy,_ he wanted to say. _Please don't come so close. It's not good._ But instead all he managed to do was to shake his head weakly.

Seconds passed like hours and the dizziness still had not gone, but Zazie felt the movement of fabric and the softness of lips against his own. It didn't even take a second for the pain in his ankle to evaporate into nothingness, or for Zazie to realise the situation they were in – it was dangerous – he could tell by the feeling of electricity along his spine. His hands curled into fists and the very moment Jiggy released him Zazie snatched his arms back, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. Jiggy recoiled, hands in a defensive position before him, and for a moment they stared at each other apprehensively, both trying to predict what the other would do next.

"What do you think you're doing?" Zazie asked. _Deny it, deny it all,_ he reminded himself. _This should never have happened._

Jiggy stared at him in shock, then apology, and he gave a bow. "I'm sorry, I—"

"You're not supposed to do that," Zazie continued. "It's not right. It's against the Church, along with the law. Don't tell me you've never heard of it before – people call this a sickness, and others..." Zazie fell silent, then gathered his courage and continued, "If word gets out, who knows what might happen – I could get killed. You could get killed." Those last few words came as a wavering whisper, and Zazie cursed himself for not being stronger. _I don't want for you to be put in danger. Sorry._

"We can't?" Jiggy seemed genuinely surprised. _He's really oblivious,_ Zazie thought, and internally groaned. His ankle began to throb painfully, and his knee and hands began to sting.

"Not really, no."

"I always thought it didn't matter, though," Jiggy said, looking at him in earnest. "I always thought it was alright – if your heart wanted it, then it was fine. As long as you willed for it to happen." There was a pause. "Perhaps I am just being ignorant. Is that not true?"

Zazie looked at him, and saw the same light in his eyes that appeared when he talked about home. He opened his mouth but found no words to refute Jiggy, and he shut his mouth and looked at his feet.

"I'd like it if you could be true to yourself," Jiggy continued to stare right at him, and Zazie finally found his tongue.

"Why'd you think I like you back, anyway?" He asked, his legs trembling and his heart pounding but his voice clear and strong.

Jiggy paused, then gave another half-bow. "Sorry, I just thought you did. I was being too bold." He straightened his back, looking right at Zazie, daring and unafraid. _Crap,_ Zazie thought. His resolve was getting whittled down bit by bit, and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

"Still, I'm willing to risk it, if only to get my message across. I'm an Express Bee – and this is my special request. Let me to deliver my heart to you." Jiggy's voice was without the slightest trace of fear, and Zazie sighed, his lips breaking into a wry smile in spite of himself, and he covered his face with his hands. They still stung. Zazie really wasn't strong enough.

"I curse you to your grave," Zazie swore, but his voice was laced with laughter. "Fine then, do what you want." Zazie peeped at the older man through his fingers, and saw that he was smiling.

Zazie heard the crunching of boots, and felt Jiggy's fingers in his hair, before smelling the scent of Jiggy's jacket through his fingers. Jiggy's jacket was pressed up against his front and his other hand was resting, uncertain, on the boy's lower back. Zazie laughed silently behind his hands, then slid them around Jiggy's waist. The older man kissed his hair and hugged him tighter as a response, and Zazie could feel the electricity dance a nimble jig on the base of his spine as his resolve crumbled away altogether.

* * *

**jigGY PEPPER YOU BIG FAT ROMANTIC -leswoon-****There's an epilogue (crack) to this! I'll put it up ASAP. **

**Thanks for following me all the way, though! And sorry if it seemed forced or choppy or rushed at some bits, my endings were turrible and I don't particularly ship these two so;;**


	4. Epilogue

**You may or may not choose to consider this a serious epilogue/final chapter.**

**pie pie HI: Thanks!**

* * *

The two of them had already completed their special delivery just a few days ago, and were currently on their way back to Yuusari Central. As they drove through a grassy plain Jiggy murmured, "This mightn't be the right time to ask this, but what do you know about magical girls and boys?"

Zazie thought for a while, and answered, arms tightening around Jiggy's waist as they went round a sharp bend, "Like wizards and witches? They don't exist, right? I've read about them somewhere before, I think. There was one book about this boy and a lightning...? What was his name again?"

Jiggy stayed silent for a bit, as if testing his next words on his tongue, and asked quietly, "What if I told you I was one?"

"What? No way! There's no such _thing_ as magic!" Zazie laughed, and Jiggy stopped the Iron Horse. "What if I showed you?" He asked again, grave seriousness in his eyes. Zazie fell silent, and Jiggy removed his goggles, hanging them on the handlebars of his Iron Horse. Jiggy then struck a fighting pose, his fingers forcibly straight and his legs slightly bent and shoulder length apart. He then called out a string of foreign-sounding language, and Zazie held on to the seat of the Iron Horse in disbelief and slight fright.

There was a white light, and Zazie was momentarily blinded until the light faded, and Jiggy's uniform had disappeared only to leave a tight white, sleeveless top which showed off too much muscle, and a short, pink, frilly skirt that showed off too much thigh. There was a sailor scarf sewn onto the top complete with a gold-rimmed, blue gem and a pink ribbon. Another identical ribbon was sewn onto the lower back of Jiggy's top. Jiggy also had a long, golden wand in his hands, and that too was adorned with a blue gem and a ribbon. Pink flats had replaced his socks and boots, and Zazie could only stand gaping at what used to be Jiggy, his mind blank.

"Fuck," Zazie breathed, and then realised that Jiggy's thighs were actually _really_ long – so long that they were disproportionate to his torso. Zazie began to question where his thighs ended and his butt began, or if he even had a butt at all, which would mean that his "infinity thighs" attached straight to his hips. Zazie leant a little to the right, trying to surreptitiously check if Jiggy had lost his ass together with his sanity (and the last shred of Zazie's respect for the Express Bee), and the older man clutched his wand, spinning around and blushing as if he had a fever, and exclaimed, "Kya~ no! Don't peep!"

Zazie thought he was going to vomit. Or laugh. Either one worked. Instead, he did neither.

"Um. Okay," Zazie muttered, unsure of what to feel about this peculiar turn of events. Both of them fell silent, Zazie because he was too busy planning his suicide, and Jiggy because he was too busy staring at Zazie's face. "Aren't you going to say something really cryptic?" Jiggy asked, leaning forward, and Zazie furrowed his brows and shuffled backwards, nearly tripping over the Iron Horse.

"Uh..." _Isn't that _your_ job?!_ "I dunno." Zazie really hoped this was just a really bad dream.

"But you like me, right?" Jiggy tilted his head.

"O-of course! But – but—!" Zazie flushed a bright red, and was at a loss for words. "I _do_ like you! I mean, we just established that like, what, yesterday? But... Okay, you know what? First up, what is with your _thighs_?!"

"These?" Jiggy ran a hand down his oddly smoothed and also oddly pale thighs, and Zazie wasn't sure if that was really hot or just really fucking weird because they were so damn _long_. "Yeah. They're really... Long." Jiggy giggled and said that he knew. Zazie was five centimetres away from slapping himself on the forehead.

"Anyway, what are we doing out here?" Jiggy turned, resting the wand on the ground, and rested a hand on his hips. "This place is really _drab_. "

"You were taking us back to Yuusari Central," Zazie deadpanned. _This is a dream_, he told himself. _Just a really bad dream_.

"Aaah," Jiggy nodded, and twirled his wand. "Well, what're we doing here, then?" He raised his wand and it began to glow with the strange white light that engulfed Jiggy earlier. _Okay, that's it,_ Zazie thought. _I'm waking up._ He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them forcefully, trying to wake himself up, then realised it wasn't working and did it again and again. _Oh, fuck no._ Zazie's eyes were wide in horror. _Fuck no._

"Accompany on! Yuusari Central!" Jiggy exclaimed, and the white light spread to engulf Jiggy, Zazie and the Iron Horse. The light was probably the best part of the whole ordeal, Zazie decided. It was relatively warm, and Jiggy didn't talk at all while they were in there.

They crash-landed right in front of the Hive, and it was only then that Zazie realised the man was unconscious. After panicking for a few minutes he decided to leave the Iron Horse where it was – it wouldn't budge, anyway, and dragged Jiggy into the Hive to get him treated, and to get his thighs back to normal. Zazie then spent half an hour bickering with Aria over allowing him to get Jiggy treated at the Hive because Aria was convinced that that was not Jiggy, and instead was just a "shady cross-dresser" who only happened to _look_ like Jiggy. The scar was just makeup, she said. Don't be fooled by such disgusting people, she said.

Aria demanded to be presented ID, which Jiggy didn't have because his uniform had been switched out with that darned miniskirt. She had to look at the Iron Horse before letting Jiggy in – but even then, Zazie still had to spend another few minutes waiting for Dr. Thunderland Jr and Hunt to stop laughing.

Hunt, unable to stop himself, had snorted the very moment he lay eyes on the unconscious man, and Thunderland Jr was leaning back against his seat and clapping his hands like a foolish seal. After a very embarrassing (for Zazie, at least) few minutes, Hunt suggested among wheezes that maybe, just _maybe_, they should get him and his thighs treated, but the Doctor only shook his head, unable to speak, and laughed till he choked on his spit and almost fell off his chair. Zazie had to suppress the urge to give them both the finger and maybe snap a neck or two. Finally, the Corpse Doctor calmed down, rubbed his eyes, and told Zazie to "leave the supermodel" and scram. Growling, Zazie thrust Jiggy's limp body into Hunt's enormous hands. Just _being_ in that hellish part of the Hive was bad enough, never mind getting _laughed at_ in that hellish part of the Hive.

_Forget it._ Zazie's work was done, and he stomped angrily out of the Hive and scratched his head forcefully as he gave up on trying to find a reasonable explanation for everything. _Just forget it,_ he repeated to himself.

_Those thighs were never hot anyway._

* * *

**Omfg was this longer than the chapters themselves n o**

**But in all seriousness, this was just an excuse for me to poke fun at Shoujo Thigh Syndrome (obv) and write Magical Girl!Jiggy bc I think he would make a fantastic magical girl ahahah Jiggy Pepper's a really cool guy. Props to you, Pepper!****Still, I hope you've enjoyed it nonetheless! (And also 30 points go to anyone who gets the reference in the beginning of the 16th para wwww)**

**I'm also working on another TB fic about dingoes and such, so I suppose that if you want to, please keep an eye out for it! And thanks so much for all the feedback and stuff! :D**


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